I posted about the groundhog on Facebook, and while it generated some funny responses, as Paul Harvey used to say, now for the rest of the story...
When we lived in Cuyahoga Falls, I had a running battle going with the local squirrel. Did I say squirrel? I meant the ARMY of furry evil long tailed rodents.. er.. squirrels. They chewed through every bird feeder, tossed up every annual I tried to plant, and sunned themselves on the garage next to the house..looking at me with their evil rodent beady eyes, as if to say, "what are YOU going to do about it?". The neighbor was sympathetic, so much so that she fed the cretans with peanuts that they happily buried where I tried to plant some marigolds.
THe squirrels were not even deterred by the red hot pepper I added to the bird seeds, though they did provide a laugh, rubbing their furry snouts on the deck in wonderful squirrel pain.
So I thought, when we moved to our new house in SW Ohio, that I might have some peace from the squirrels, since we had only baby Maple Trees and a farm behind our house. And I was right. There were no squirrels (yet) to torment me, just some rabbits and chipmunks, who were kind of cute, and didn't destroy my feeder or annuals.
The garden was underwhelming when we moved in, and over the last couple years I have added plants and created a lovely flower garden, or at least one that I love to look at.
The trouble soon after, though neighbors told stories about my new enemy before our first encounter . First, I noticed that the coneflowers I planted next to the holly bushes would sprout in the spring, and then... bam... stubble. Then the flowers in the garden bed under the Maple trees.
The Liatris by the decks were ugly amputated stumps. What the hell?? My mom has deer, and they wreak havok like this , but I very rarely see deer. I just didn't have a clue.
I learned that it was the neighborhood groundhog. I can't recall her name right now because I have had too many cooking beverages. Why the hell would you name such an evil vermin anyway?? My neighbors are the guilty party. I have a name for her, but I cant say on a public blog :D.
Well I spent all of last year spraying this god aweful garlic -egg.-you -name- it gross stuff, protecting my plants from " its" ravenous appetite. But let me tell you, while it deterred the groundhog, if the weather was nice and I wanted to open the window, it smelled like , well, rotten eggs! right through the window!
One website said to put a bowl of ammonia near where they enter their burrow. I saw them run in under a beat up section of our deck ( THEY beat it up). SO, when I saw Fatty out in the field I tried to sneak out there to put the bowl of ammonia by the deck. She saw me and ran STRAIGHT AT ME. I screamed and the bowl of ammonia went flying in the air. I accomplished killing a 2x2 section of grass. I didn't even come close to the groundhog.
The neighbor borrowed one of those "Have a Heart" traps and made an attempt at trapping the groundhog. After all, it did decide that home is under their deck. The only thing they caught was a little baby raccoon, which my sister and law got to hear the first night the trap was out. Neighbor decided to drown the raccoon in the garbage can instead of releasing it. I thought it was cruel and unusual punishment for a critter that was not event the target of our angst! and made it very clear to the neighbor that putting a baited trap out at NIGHT in the middle of their yard would yield many raccoons and few groundhogs.
This year , I decided that I would only spray the garden bed, not the plants by the holly bush (Under the window). I figured those flowers were a lost cause , not worth the stench. I also bought these sonic repeller things that make noise and vibrations, and seem to work great for my mom.
A few dozen coneflowers later, I determined that my groundhog thinks that repeller has a groovy beat, and she loves the mood music with her dinner!
I finally resigned myself to the fact that if you live next to farmland, you might get hungry critters.
Plus, Coneflowers spread like swine flu .. and I seemed to had enough to share with her.
Uh OH...Big fat groundhog had babies. Now mamma groundhog and three or four cute little pups enjoy the slaughter family buffet that is my flower garden. And while I was tempted to buy a Kill trap to put near the beds, I worried I might kill one of my other BFFs, the neighborhood cats. ( The cats kill the birds at the feeder, a story I will kindly spare you). I'd like to see the cats gone, but I dont want to be the one that breaks their necks. Plus, there are toddlers to the left and toddlers to the right, and I can't risk hurting one of them.
Not ever.
What do you do?? I thought, " This is it. Groundhogs and Flower stumps for life". Now the little baby critters come up on the porch and eat the potted petunias, the black pearl peppers, and everything that is not a geranium. Momma groundhog isn't satisfied with the abundance of coneflowers , so she climbs the little antique desk full of lovely striped petunias and sits on the chair and buries her face in its lovely blooms and leaves little green reminders of what used to be a beautiful display.
I did some research on ground hogs. Did you know they are the largest of the squirrel family~?? Aghhhh!!
The last straw was two weeks ago. I lifted the deck board, where I access the hose to water my garden. There , in a stinking heap, right next to the hose nozzle, is a pile of steaming groundhog POOP.. Thats right, the vermin pooped right there , the only spot under the deck I have access too.
She gave me the big "na na na na naaaaa naa"
So I did what any royally pissed garden loving woman would do. I bought the poison peanuts.
I admit, when we bought them, I never really thought they would eat them. Nothing else had worked. Hell, the package said it was for moles and pocket gophers, and moles eat grubs. Contrary to instructions, we put some of the poison pellets right by the hose nozzle ,where one of them dumped. We can't access their burrow entrance, we weren't sure where it was. ( They run under all of our decks).
A week passed, and while I didn't forget about it, I figured nothing would change. My parents came up for a visit and we were enjoying the beautiful weather.
The neighbor next door, the one with the Doctorate, who's job involves smelling fragrances for P&G, the one with the most sensitive of noses, marches accross the yard and says,
" You didn't poison the groundhog did you??" His wife stands behind him with hands on hips.
"uuuhhhh.. weelll... um... yeah.. actually>>"
" They died. Under my house. "
One or few of the groundhogs ate the poison, went back home , and died.
Under my neighbors deck.
Now, I did consider the possibility that the groundhog might die under one of our decks.
And I thought the pain of smelling that for a couple weeks would be worth wreaking my revenge.
BUT the neighnor's dryer vent was right above the entrance to the little *&%&#(%$ 's tunnels.
So instead of having a horrid flesh decaying smell out on their deck, the smell was entering Mr. "Oh so sensitive nose"'s HOME.
I know that they could have taken care of the burrow under their home long ago ( They did know about it) , and I know they chuckled ( to my face) about its humongous flower garden appetite, I never thought the putrid smell would actually enter their home. I can be a cold hearted bird at times, but not that cold.
My dad and Chris helped the neighbor remove some deck planks and cover the holes to try to help cover the smell.
Alas, there is a survivor . The little guy hides under a cement slab in same neighbor's yard.
They called a critter removal pro, who has set some traps, and asked, with some awe and admiration, what the heck I used to poison the groundhog.
I noticed yesterday the neighbor , using his hundred thousand dollar nose, was smelling his porch again.
He didn't even get a chance to get in the door, or change clothes before his Missus was after him to DO SOMETHING.
Little survivor is digging up the original residence, and the smell returned. Hopefully, for the sake of their nose and also neighborhood harmony, the traps work, and SOON, but knowing we live near a farm, I anticipate that even if all of the groundhog clan is removed there will be new tenants in the vacant apartments under our decks by next spring. I did promise to never use poison again. When the kids get bigger, I may rethink those kill traps!!
And I thought I hated squirrels.
By the way, this morning, I looked out at my bird feeder, nestled next to the butterfly bush and the cat whiskers, and there, under the feeder eating what the birds had dropped, was a furry little squirrel.
Back to square one!
When we lived in Cuyahoga Falls, I had a running battle going with the local squirrel. Did I say squirrel? I meant the ARMY of furry evil long tailed rodents.. er.. squirrels. They chewed through every bird feeder, tossed up every annual I tried to plant, and sunned themselves on the garage next to the house..looking at me with their evil rodent beady eyes, as if to say, "what are YOU going to do about it?". The neighbor was sympathetic, so much so that she fed the cretans with peanuts that they happily buried where I tried to plant some marigolds.
THe squirrels were not even deterred by the red hot pepper I added to the bird seeds, though they did provide a laugh, rubbing their furry snouts on the deck in wonderful squirrel pain.
So I thought, when we moved to our new house in SW Ohio, that I might have some peace from the squirrels, since we had only baby Maple Trees and a farm behind our house. And I was right. There were no squirrels (yet) to torment me, just some rabbits and chipmunks, who were kind of cute, and didn't destroy my feeder or annuals.
The garden was underwhelming when we moved in, and over the last couple years I have added plants and created a lovely flower garden, or at least one that I love to look at.
The trouble soon after, though neighbors told stories about my new enemy before our first encounter . First, I noticed that the coneflowers I planted next to the holly bushes would sprout in the spring, and then... bam... stubble. Then the flowers in the garden bed under the Maple trees.
The Liatris by the decks were ugly amputated stumps. What the hell?? My mom has deer, and they wreak havok like this , but I very rarely see deer. I just didn't have a clue.
I learned that it was the neighborhood groundhog. I can't recall her name right now because I have had too many cooking beverages. Why the hell would you name such an evil vermin anyway?? My neighbors are the guilty party. I have a name for her, but I cant say on a public blog :D.
Well I spent all of last year spraying this god aweful garlic -egg.-you -name- it gross stuff, protecting my plants from " its" ravenous appetite. But let me tell you, while it deterred the groundhog, if the weather was nice and I wanted to open the window, it smelled like , well, rotten eggs! right through the window!
One website said to put a bowl of ammonia near where they enter their burrow. I saw them run in under a beat up section of our deck ( THEY beat it up). SO, when I saw Fatty out in the field I tried to sneak out there to put the bowl of ammonia by the deck. She saw me and ran STRAIGHT AT ME. I screamed and the bowl of ammonia went flying in the air. I accomplished killing a 2x2 section of grass. I didn't even come close to the groundhog.
The neighbor borrowed one of those "Have a Heart" traps and made an attempt at trapping the groundhog. After all, it did decide that home is under their deck. The only thing they caught was a little baby raccoon, which my sister and law got to hear the first night the trap was out. Neighbor decided to drown the raccoon in the garbage can instead of releasing it. I thought it was cruel and unusual punishment for a critter that was not event the target of our angst! and made it very clear to the neighbor that putting a baited trap out at NIGHT in the middle of their yard would yield many raccoons and few groundhogs.
This year , I decided that I would only spray the garden bed, not the plants by the holly bush (Under the window). I figured those flowers were a lost cause , not worth the stench. I also bought these sonic repeller things that make noise and vibrations, and seem to work great for my mom.
A few dozen coneflowers later, I determined that my groundhog thinks that repeller has a groovy beat, and she loves the mood music with her dinner!
I finally resigned myself to the fact that if you live next to farmland, you might get hungry critters.
Plus, Coneflowers spread like swine flu .. and I seemed to had enough to share with her.
Uh OH...Big fat groundhog had babies. Now mamma groundhog and three or four cute little pups enjoy the slaughter family buffet that is my flower garden. And while I was tempted to buy a Kill trap to put near the beds, I worried I might kill one of my other BFFs, the neighborhood cats. ( The cats kill the birds at the feeder, a story I will kindly spare you). I'd like to see the cats gone, but I dont want to be the one that breaks their necks. Plus, there are toddlers to the left and toddlers to the right, and I can't risk hurting one of them.
Not ever.
What do you do?? I thought, " This is it. Groundhogs and Flower stumps for life". Now the little baby critters come up on the porch and eat the potted petunias, the black pearl peppers, and everything that is not a geranium. Momma groundhog isn't satisfied with the abundance of coneflowers , so she climbs the little antique desk full of lovely striped petunias and sits on the chair and buries her face in its lovely blooms and leaves little green reminders of what used to be a beautiful display.
I did some research on ground hogs. Did you know they are the largest of the squirrel family~?? Aghhhh!!
The last straw was two weeks ago. I lifted the deck board, where I access the hose to water my garden. There , in a stinking heap, right next to the hose nozzle, is a pile of steaming groundhog POOP.. Thats right, the vermin pooped right there , the only spot under the deck I have access too.
She gave me the big "na na na na naaaaa naa"
So I did what any royally pissed garden loving woman would do. I bought the poison peanuts.
I admit, when we bought them, I never really thought they would eat them. Nothing else had worked. Hell, the package said it was for moles and pocket gophers, and moles eat grubs. Contrary to instructions, we put some of the poison pellets right by the hose nozzle ,where one of them dumped. We can't access their burrow entrance, we weren't sure where it was. ( They run under all of our decks).
A week passed, and while I didn't forget about it, I figured nothing would change. My parents came up for a visit and we were enjoying the beautiful weather.
The neighbor next door, the one with the Doctorate, who's job involves smelling fragrances for P&G, the one with the most sensitive of noses, marches accross the yard and says,
" You didn't poison the groundhog did you??" His wife stands behind him with hands on hips.
"uuuhhhh.. weelll... um... yeah.. actually>>"
" They died. Under my house. "
One or few of the groundhogs ate the poison, went back home , and died.
Under my neighbors deck.
Now, I did consider the possibility that the groundhog might die under one of our decks.
And I thought the pain of smelling that for a couple weeks would be worth wreaking my revenge.
BUT the neighnor's dryer vent was right above the entrance to the little *&%&#(%$ 's tunnels.
So instead of having a horrid flesh decaying smell out on their deck, the smell was entering Mr. "Oh so sensitive nose"'s HOME.
I know that they could have taken care of the burrow under their home long ago ( They did know about it) , and I know they chuckled ( to my face) about its humongous flower garden appetite, I never thought the putrid smell would actually enter their home. I can be a cold hearted bird at times, but not that cold.
My dad and Chris helped the neighbor remove some deck planks and cover the holes to try to help cover the smell.
Alas, there is a survivor . The little guy hides under a cement slab in same neighbor's yard.
They called a critter removal pro, who has set some traps, and asked, with some awe and admiration, what the heck I used to poison the groundhog.
I noticed yesterday the neighbor , using his hundred thousand dollar nose, was smelling his porch again.
He didn't even get a chance to get in the door, or change clothes before his Missus was after him to DO SOMETHING.
Little survivor is digging up the original residence, and the smell returned. Hopefully, for the sake of their nose and also neighborhood harmony, the traps work, and SOON, but knowing we live near a farm, I anticipate that even if all of the groundhog clan is removed there will be new tenants in the vacant apartments under our decks by next spring. I did promise to never use poison again. When the kids get bigger, I may rethink those kill traps!!
And I thought I hated squirrels.
By the way, this morning, I looked out at my bird feeder, nestled next to the butterfly bush and the cat whiskers, and there, under the feeder eating what the birds had dropped, was a furry little squirrel.
Back to square one!
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