Birth pangs at Forty

Ecclesiastes 1:9
" What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun."


I thought this Bible quote would be a good beginning for my blog today. At forty, I am learning new things everyday, things that my mother told me, things she would tell me if she thought I would listen to her, and things she learned from her mother as well.

18 years ago, I had my first child, and there were alot of things as a mother that I wish I knew then that I do now. Many of those things I learned either from my parents, or by trial, and my second and especially my third child, will, and have, reaped the benefits.  Unfortunately for the eldest, I am eternally a pioneer on a voyage to unchartered territory.

When you have a child, there are numerous books and videos that purport to help you along the way. You can read and listen to all the advice on what to feed them, when to potty train, what vaccines they need, and more, half of which you actually may follow,  the other half you don't, you just wing it. In the end, your firstborn survives your inexperience. What the books dont't tell you is, that after 18 years, you get to go through labor again.

No, I haven't lost my mind, and I haven't had too many cooking beers.

"There is nothing new under the sun". However for me it IS new, and something I have no book, no manual for. I am, for the most part, winging it.

Yep, you go through labor again. My parents know this, maybe they even thought of it in the same terms. They tried to warn me. They've try to guide me. And, just like so many life lessons, you just have to learn by doing.

     Part of me is thrilled that the baby I had many years ago is becoming a man. On the other hand, it is every bit as painful and messy as his birth was 18 years ago. He is kicking ,struggling, fighting his way to separate from the safety that is (the womb) his family. And I seem to be hanging on for dear life, thinking of all the challenges that await him. If only they were as simple as walking and potty training.

I feel every "contraction", wondering how much longer this can last?  Everything is done but the cutting of the unbilical cord. That cut is coming soon. Unfortuantely, through this process, you don't get an epidural for the pain. You are, however, allowed to drink a beer or two.

My son is an awesome person, with most of what he needs to go out and begin  his life as an adult. Sure, there are things he still needs to learn, and like me, there are things his parents will try to tell him and he won't listen to, and things they WON'T try to tell him, because they  be taught (or won't be listened to).
Ready or not, whether he lives at home or moves out, that train is about  to leave station.

In a couple months, he will go off to school, and he won't be calling to see if he can do this, or go there. He will be making decisions without the interference of mom. He will spend months reveling in his new freedom, and I will spend them wondering how he is.
I hope he will know that I'll be here when he needs me, but that I know he is going to be just fine.

And though I may know what to expect, there will still be pain when the other two become adults as well.

Worse, I have caught hints from my parents that these types of changes, these "births", extend beyond the 18 year mark, that what I see as an ending of his dependence on me, does not equal an ending to the labors I will feel as a parent.

The only thing I can hope for, is that as I get older , I will listen more when my parents tell me what to expect and when they give me advice. I appreciate their experience more than ever. Someday he will too.