Beauty

I love beautiful things.  I told my friend Jane, after talking about a handsome man,  for me, looking at a man is like looking at anything beautiful.  I like looking  at my garden, appreciating the beauty in the flowers ,  the birds. I like the sounds and smells of them.  I like looking at everything, old cars, beautiful homes, you name it.  What I think is beautiful doesn't always impress other people. I find Tom Bergeron  irresistible,   and I  am not sure  exactly why that is, other than he makes me laugh, he makes these funny silly faces.
There is not a litmus test for beauty.  Beauty is a million little things!

While raising my daughter, I wanted to be sure that she felt beautiful. She really is.  But I also know how hard it is for women to accept their own beauty, in whatever form it lies. From the time she was a tot, I have told her how beautiful she was, and I meant every word. She has these amazing blue eyes, framed by beautiful dark lashes.  She  has a little dimple when she smiles, just like her daddy.  As she has grown, she has taken my breath away with the sheer gorgeousness of her,  her laugh, her  physical beauty, her intelligence, humor, talent and  strength..

It is really hard for me to watch her struggle with her self image  now. To me, she is stunning, yet she compares herself to other girls she can never, and shouldn't ever want to be. I was that way when  I was her age, and for much longer.  I thought that beauty in a girl was a tiny frame, big breasts, perfect skin.  Even after I met Chris, my very own freckle faced beauty,  I spent too many  of  our married  years  wondering when he would realize he made a big mistake.   I just didn't see what he did.

The past three years working with a building full of  wonderful women  has helped  me accept the beauty that is in me. I used to think  working with so many women would be horrible, that I would find that I was inferior, that they would look at me with the same eyes that I saw myself. An amazing thing happened. I met all of these women, and learned that we had so much in common!  The woman I thought was spectacularly beautiful or amazingly talented or kind, they  were generous with their compliments, and the sharing of what it means to be a woman, a wife, a mother. The ones I thought were the most stunning shared the same insecurities that I had.

I am going on  now, like I do when I start talking.  But  I think what I want to say, if you are a mother,  remember that your child looks at you as the most beautiful thing in the world.  Don't berate yourself. Your child will listen, and she will take that to heart.  When she is old enough, she will look at herself and remember your self criticism  and find herself wanting.

If you are a dad, or brother, or just friend,  remember  to appreciate out loud all the things you find beautiful in a woman, not just the physical..  Your daughter, sister , friend hears that and judges herself by your words too.

I had a substitute teacher tell me this year  that my smile lit up the whole room.  She went on about it for a while, and even though I was embarrassed, I floated on cloud nine for the rest of the day. I will never be petite, I'm never going to be Angelina Jolie.  But, I am beautiful.  And  my sweet baby girl, you are too.

Why Baseball is not just a Sport, or, Why I love the Reds



Why Baseball is not just a sport to me, or, Why I love the Reds.

I am one happy woman! The Reds will be on the radio every day at about 3p.m. for the next two weeks, and I will be listening. It’s just spring training, but opening day is close enough to touch. I know Rachel Evans is right there with me, but I think some of my co-workers think I’m off my rocker over the Reds. Well, maybe I am, just a little.


Baseball is more than just a sport to me. It is tied to so many memories of people and places, sounds and smells.

It was a schoolgirl’s crush on the little league pitcher. That boy’s last name rhymed with my first name, and I remember my brother, or maybe my mother, teasing, “Marcella Tortella”. His name was Richie.

It was playing in the backyard with my brother and our best friends, either “off the wall” where pitching meant bouncing a rubber ball off the garage next to our house, or whiffle ball, where the rules included hitting the runner with the ball to get him out.

It was watching my little brother play baseball, or watching my dad and the guys play softball, where honeybees visited garbage cans full of flavored ice cone wrappers and empty soda bottles, and little girls sat in the bleachers with dirty hands and faces from playing in the dust.

It was warm summer nights at my gram’s house, sitting with her on the front porch, watching fireflies and car’s pass by her house, and listening to the voice of Pirates baseball, Lanny Frattare. It was my dad parking at the gas station where my Uncle Henny worked and walking the several blocks to Three Rivers Stadium to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates play. In the spring or fall, we sometimes played “hooky”, getting out of school to watch our favorite players alongside our favorite people, Mom and Dad, Grams, and her friend Angie. Baseball was remembering Angie-babe, as Gram called her, screaming out for her favorite player, “WILLIE!” (#8 Willie Stargell) If she was pissed at a player, depending on the number of beers she had, she hollered much more colorful things! Baseball was the smell of beer, peanuts and hotdogs, and the unspoken hope of ice cream on the way home.

When we moved to Birmingham, Alabama, baseball was going to watch the Buccos when they played the Braves. It was an eccentric teenage girl looking more like a bumblebee than a baseball fan, and the whole family singing Billy Joel during a rain delay. And when the need for watching baseball outweighed the need for staying loyal, it was cheering on the Cubbies when they were on WGN, or watching the Birmingham Barons play minor league ball.

Then I met Chris, and baseball became a Tomahawk Chop, and a chant that would make my folks crazy. They never did buy into the Atlanta Braves. They eventually moved back to Pittsburgh, and not long after we had our firstborn, we followed them. They loved their Buccos once more, but by then we had our Braves. That year the two faced each to go to the World Series, and living in the same house, we somehow made peace with that. Dad even took me to see the Pirates one summer when Jessie was more than just a twinkle, so I know there was no grudge.

When we moved near Akron, I lost touch with baseball. I was busy with a baby and a kindergardener, and the Cleveland Indians never caught my eye. We took Jeff to one game, but the spark wasn’t there.

Then we moved to Cincinnati, and I met the Reds. I don’t remember how it started; only that it didn’t happen right away. Maybe it was  Joshua playing his first tee ball games. Maybe I heard Reds announcers Marty Brenneman or the “Cowboy” Jeff Brantley, when I was searching for Talk Radio. Whatever it was, baseball called me back, and when it did, all of the things that baseball meant came back with it. When I went to my first Reds game at the Great American Ballpark, I was in love. Like Three River Stadium, the Ballpark sits right beside the (Ohio) river, and when you look to right field, you can see the river and the river barges. Cincinnati itself reminds me of home, with skyscrapers and bridges, and colorful, city- loyal people. Now I am eager for another baseball season to begin, and while my boys are ready for it, my daughter isn’t so crazy about baseball. That’s okay though. Maybe one day when she is older, baseball won’t be all those boring games, but maybe it will be some of the things that baseball became to me. I hope when they get older, my kids will hear a game on the radio, and they will not think of baseball as just a sport, but a thousand happy memories.



crybaby

I  moved  my boy into college on Thursday.  I did really well, and I hardly cried at all.  I did a little bit when I was putting his stuff in the van, but only  Chris saw me, and he didn't tell.   Jeff was  so nervous, and when we took him to breakfast, he was pretty shook up.   When we got to school, he wanted me to go with him to fill out paperwork, while his dad waited for the golf cart to unload the stuff out of the van.

As we were about done, it was clear Jeff was feeling a little better, and he let us know we could go whenever we were ready! LOL.  I gave him a big hug, and still, I didn't cry.


Anyone who knows me,  this was a monumental feat for someone who cries at cartoons and commercials, who cries when she is sad, happy and angry, and everything in between.

I didn't cry Friday. Jeff was happy and having a great time.
I didn't cry Saturday. Jeff was making new friends, and staying out WAY too late.

Then today.  Well, so much for the not crying thing!  We got up early, got ready for Church. We  sat behind Sam and Courtney at Mass, (his friends) and Courtney's family.  That was cool. I said hi to the girls.
At some point after Mass started, my little Joshua  was snuggling up next to me, and he put his little face in my arm, and looked up at me  with a sad face and said, " I miss Jeff."  I  told him, I miss him too.

  TA DA!!   In front of a couple hundred people, my eyeballs decided it was a good time to leak.
I didn't even have a tissue. I had to go to the bathroom to get some toilet paper because my sniffles were getting on MY nerves!  (TWICE)

You might think it was just that cute little Josh, with his  watery eyes, that did me in.  You would be partially right. But really, Joshua just felt first what was missing from out picture.  Jeff hasn't really wanted to hang with us for a while. He is eighteen after all, and being with friends is much more fun, whether in person, or online.  But the one time a week when we are always together is on Sunday when we go to Church together.  There are very few times when we go without him.  Then the stupid  Music director for the church HAD to play America the Beautiful.

The last few times  the song has been accompanied by Jeff on the trumpet.  It is one of the reasons I stopped grumbling about playing a patriotic song at church instead of a song praising God.

No trumpet.
No Jeff.

It just did't feel  right today.  I am going to have to get over  the fact that Jeff is moving on with his life.

We will always be a family of five , but all five of us are not always going to be together~!

One more week

There is only one more week until school, give or take a few days depending on which  of the kids I am talking about.  Jessie has  an open house Monday when she will get her schedule and find all of the rooms for her classes.  I am SO glad that we only have to go through that stress once in our life. Well, you know what I mean anyway, she has several years of it.

    I  went to Catholic school, so it was a lot different for me than it is for the kids in public school. I went through K-8 with the same  30 kids.  We switched classes in 8th grade, and that meant all 30 of us went accross the hall to another room for math! I didn't go through  the type of adjustment she will  until ninth grade.  And let me tell you, I was THAT freshman.   The Highschool I went to freshman year had three levels, plus the basement where the cafeteria was, and my locker was down there too.  :(  I was the kid who was afraid to be late for the class on the third floor, so I carried  umpteen books around with me .
What was worse, I was desperate to be liked, so when a classmate asked me to carry their books, while they schmoozed with other friends, I likely did it. Yes, I was also the one who dropped said books while going up the stairs!

Josh starts school Thursday. Bless his heart, he is anxious about second grade because a kid  he know said he will have to add 3 digit numbers.  He will, that is true, but the kid is just good at math. he will do fine. 

Jeff has a little more time to relax. His  move in date is September 2.  THey have a whole weekend of activities planned, and I am sure  he will do fine. But I feel sort of like when  each of them started kindergarten.  Maybe worse.  He has already  "met" his roomate online, so that shouldn't be as awkward as I was worried about.  One thing that is helping me is that he is only going to be forty minutes away, so if we forget to pack something,  or he needs us, it is only a phone call away. Now I just have to keep from calling HIM and bugging him while he is away!  See, he should thank me that he doesnt have texting!!

Overall, I am kind of bummed that summer is almost over. We had alot of fun together , and there are alot of changes to come this school year, and I am not sure I am ready for them.  They are coming anyway.

Eyebrows and Kohls

I know it's a wierd  post title, but it was just that kind of day!

The plan was to take Jessie this morning to Kohls to find some "skinny" jeans and some shoes for Josh. Well , I slept through most of the morning,  but the kids were relaxing and not fighting so I didn't get my usual wake-up call.

   A while ago, Jessie asked me if I could take her to get her eyebrows  done, and I put it off for most of the summer. I have never had it done and I was kind of nervous about taking her.  After I had my coffee, I called the local salon to set up an appointment, and they set it for today at 2.  Memo to me, when they set an appointment, just count on sitting there for half an hour.  I  don't go to salons, and I assumed the service would be better than at Gret Clips ( who does NOT do brows).  One of these days I'll learn.

Anyway, I have never gotten an eyebrow wax, so I couldn't really tell Jessie what it would be like. All I told her is that I thought it probably hurt, but it would be better than me plucking all of the hairs myself. I still think that is true, and I am positive the results were better :D  Anyway, poor thing was in tears when she came out, and she looked like someone sat there smacking her in the brows instead of waxing!  OMG..Kohls definitely had to wait a few hours or someone might have thought I abused the poor kid.  I will definitely NOT be going for a brow wax. Besides , I have wonderfully perfect eyebrows naturally (heehee).  After her face returned to normal, she was really happy with the way it looked. They  only got rid of the extra hair below and between her brows. I shudder to think what she would have looked like if we wanted to make her brows thin. OUCH

I did  make it up to her by supplying her with a healthy binge of chocolate, which just makes everything better. Even  Josh got to indulge , since he sat there like a champ the whole time we were waiting!
I got some rolos,  just because I can!


We did end up going to Kohls after dinner. We had a greast trip. Jessie found two pairs of Jeans she likes, plus a tank and a cami.  I found a couple shirts on clearance that rock, and  found some shoes  that   fit   the little guy with the wide feet. ( Thanks to his momma).

And Jeff, well , he is at the Kohls Warehouse working 8-6 in the first of potentially four  night shifts.  His friend Krystal (like the burger)  told him her employer needed extra help, and away he went.  The nice thing, its a temp agency, and he can check the listings for shifts available in the future.  He originally thought he would be working Friday, Sat, and Sunday, but they wanted him to go in tonight to train. Its a bummer that he only got four hours sleep last night, and that instead of coming home and sleeping this afternoon, he went to kings Island, but hey, he is 18. He will recover by tomorrow night!!!

School Days

It has been a busy summer, and so it has flown by. I can't believe the kids are going to school soon. I have had a blast, and believe it or not, this year I am not as ready for school as before :(  I think they actually fought less, probably because I tried to keep them a little busier.  I  finally got my school list together this morning.

 Today I took Jessie and Joshua school shopping to buy their  school supplies and some school clothes.

 

Several years ago, I would have it made when they were out of formula and diapers and baby clothes..etc.  It couldnt be more expensive than that, right?  Wrong.  Now I have kids who STILL grow out of their clothes (some every season) and the clothes are no longer the three dollar Garanimals I got at Walmart. Heck, with inflation, even the garanimals went up!

     I  have now got  a just-about-teenage girl who  is starting to give a hoot about what clothes she can wear. Thank the LORD she is still a down to earth kid,  happy with graphic tees from anywhere as long as they fit.
But  she has changed sizes and has ZERO jeans that are long enough.  ( I thought only boys shot up  6 inches a year!?)  Jessie also is starting to LOOK more like a teen , something her dad will be shocked to see when she wears her new girl tee shirts instead of the boy shaped ones. Good grief,  we are going to be beating the boys off this one. On the other hand, she may  kick their butts herself!    The way she looks now, I told her she can wear make-up when she graduates high school!!! ( Go ahead, you can laugh at me. But I can at least scare her out of it for another year or two!)  She wants to buy "skinny" jeans.. and I don't know what to do if she wants "jeggings".. No I didnt' make that up. Its some cross between  Jeans and leggings,  and if you are my age, just think REAL stretch jeans like we used to wear ...gag..gag...

Joshua , bless his heart , he is cheaper to buy for , but he needed everything. The kid has got his momma's feet,  meaning  he needs a wide width, and I am having a time of finding shoes for him.  Everything he tried on today felt uncomfortable.  I shudder to think I may have to walk into a stride rite.  ( The scrooge in me does NOT want to pay 40 dollars for shoes lasting 6 months or less!)
I think he was a bit disgruntled because the tee shirts I bought were a little big, but I dont want to buy new ones next month for crying out loud!  At least the jeans fit him , and they all have that neat elastic adjuster. That will work until he grows another inch by  Christmas.


Jeff is the  the last one we still  have to shop for. He may be the easiest , because he is DONE with the growing. Most of what he has still fits, and the kids in college won't know he wore those clothes LAST year, lol. But, he needs some jeans and socks and all that. Plus the things for his dorm.  Its not really like he will be cheaper though, (ahem...laptop) ...


In the end, I shouldn't complain at all.  I seem to change sizes every year myself!!

Computer smackdown

Okay, I know I shouldn't brag. But sometimes when you have a little victory you just feel like celebrating!!

We got  Jeff a laptop for Graduation  to use at school.  I wanted  to make sure he had a little time to get used to it before he moved.  Well, he just kept taking the laptop into the  basement  to use.  Finally  I asked him if the rest of us had body odor. I mean, I understand the XBOX is set up down there so  he  has to be down there when he plays that.  But the laptop he can  sit right on the couch or at the kitchen table.

Well, his wireless apparently sucked old socks.  Chris checked it  and it was terrible. So we took it back to best buy and they checked it, and agreed and gave us a new laptop.  We got that one home tonight and it was exactly the same. The connection said excellent, but we could not get anything to download, and when we ran a  speed test it was as slow as molasses.  Chris fooled with it for a good part of the night before giving up and going to bed.  We figured we would need a different model of lap top.

I  am a stubborn woman.  I cannot stand to be defeated by a computer , ask anyone.

So I got busy , looking on the internet about what different settings mean, and fooling with his wireless adapter .  Finally, I figured out the problem and now  his internet connection kicks ass,  even beats my connection .  I dont even know how I managed to find the one tiny setting, other than comparing my settings to his.

Needless to say I am here  late at night by myself doing my own little victory dance!  I only look slightly better than that  man in the photo, but that is just how I feel.


Also, we found a neat little gadget at Best buy that we can dock our old hard drive into and transfer any data we want to save . It is AWESOME>>  but I have to say I am glad we have a backup drive that we bought a while ago, because there were so many pictures and videos on my old Hard drive  that they wont even fit on my laptop.  Go figure!   Tomorrow I am going to work on transferring more files to the backup drive, and then I am going to back up my lap top files.


Better safe than sorry!!